At Least I Have a Glass!
I've long been a 'glass half-empty' kind of gal. It's just how my brain is wired. Science tells me that some of that pessimistic tendency is genetic, and some of it has to do with experiencing the childhood double-whammy trauma of poverty and the death of a parent.
Science also tells me that the brain is 'elastic.' I can reteach myself to be more resilient, more joyful, more secure. It's not an easy process, but it's achievable.
Thanksgiving is a special reminder for me. A holiday that focuses on gratitude - with a bonus emphasis on togetherness - is great practice to think on more good things than bad, even for just one day!
Our holiday was pretty darn good. My sister and brother-in-law drove down from Ohio to spend it with us. We're not Thanksgiving food traditionalists. My sister slow-cooked some pinto beans in the Crock Pot and made cornbread for her and Mom. (I was responsible for ingredients, and somehow managed to forget the cornmeal, so I was very thankful for Kroger's holiday hours.) Ben and my brother-in-law got takeout from a local restaurant. One of them had catfish, the other a cheeseburger. I put a couple of turkey patties on the George Foreman grill for me and Porter, which we ate with broccoli. He had already finished his plate and was by my side begging for more before my second bite.
That statement is not a humblebrag about my cooking. Porter's just an insatiable sausage on stick legs.
After lunch, we took Mom back to her nursing home and decorated her room for Christmas. Our dearest friends, Charaity and David, met us there to celebrate. Mom was pretty quiet most of the day, but she enjoyed herself. Rebekah helped her with Christmas cards and we chatted about any and every thing. At one point, I lamented over the difficulty a lot of us feel when our families are fractured, far away, or dysfunctional. We also acknowledged that other relatives sacrificed their own time with us so that we could spend it with Mom.
"Hey," said Charaity, "our family is right here in this room."
That's a beautiful thing. Each celebration can be a precious memory, no matter the size of the guest list.
Holidays are probably always going to be a little harder for me, as they are for many of us, and that's ok. It doesn't mean I'm going to stop trying to see things differently. Maybe if I twist my neck and squint my eyes, the glass looks half full.
As we drove home, I tried to focus on the positive side of things. Mom has changed so much in the last year, but thank God she is stable and safe now! There are so many hungry people living on the street - but look at how many other people lined up to serve them food today and will be there to help tomorrow! What about the fact that the kid we have for Angel Tree needs shoes and underwear as much as toys? Remember, Heather, you were once an Angel Tree kid yourself, but now you have the financial ability to make things better for someone else!
Lord, I prayed, help me not to be so paralyzed by my own grief that I am ignorant of Your blessings. It was not lost on me that I was praying from the interior of a clean, well-maintained automobile, riding down a street in Maryville that was free from violence. What a blessing that was in and of itself.
Ecclesiastes tells me there is a season, and a time, for everything. Is this the time to heal, to build, to laugh, to dance, to gather together, to embrace, to search, to keep, to mend, to speak, to love, to be peaceful? I do not yet know, but I have hope. Maybe all I have to do is simply decide that it is time to do these things. Some of you have already started. Since we're all in this together, anyway, I ask that you take my hand and teach me what you know. I'll do the same.
Either way, there is enough in the glass for a toast. So, here's to the best in all of us.
November 24, 2018
