Don't Dread the Tread

It's been a tedious month.

A few things have gotten better. Most things stayed the same. Have you ever had a season of treading water?

Ben has maintained his weight, but hasn't gained anything yet. This has been tremendously frustrating, as we are literally spending $15 a day on Subway sandwiches that seem to have the perfect ratio of carbs to protein for his particular gut anatomy. Dude, that's over a hundred bucks a week. Not even Happy Gilmore was into Cold Cut Combos that much.

We're trying to duplicate these sandwiches at the house, but so far, Subway's still the best for digestion. It's like Ben's guts are ravenous '90s teens on their way home from a school basketball game.

"Turn down that Soundgarden CD and hand me my flannel," I think I hear. "We're stopping at Subway!"

The great news is that we have found an oral rehydration solution recipe that is working well. Ben's liver numbers actually returned to normal a couple of weeks ago and his other electrolyte values have been in good shape. His doctor ordered him to skip IV hydration for 2 weeks. If his numbers hold steady, then he can have the central line removed.

We've chosen to stay away from church and other group gatherings since Ben's line was implanted, for safety's sake, so we're very much looking forward to the end of flu season. I'm using so much hand sanitizer and soap right now that my fingers look like dried-out cocktail wieners left out on a paper plate overnight.

We miss our tribe. And moisturized cuticles.

Ben hasn't had much luck finding another at-home work position, so this month's been a little lean, but his plan is to try working part-time outside of the house once his line is removed. He should have the doctor's blessing to try it. Please pray that Ben's numbers will hold steady so he can have the line removed. He is so ready to work outside the home again. Ben is such an extrovert and loves nothing more than meeting strangers and making friends, twenty-four hours a day. I am quite the opposite. I like people, but only in small groups or one at a time, and only if I have a clearly marked exit. So who knows - maybe, prayerfully, we can flippy-doo and Ben can find a great job outside of the house while I find a work-from-home position.

I would love to spend more time writing. Right now, I'm doing most of it on breaks at work. I dream of tooling around South Knoxville on a cute, retro-styled tricycle and stopping at Honeybee Coffee or Suttree Landing Park to write. I even imagine sitting under one of the huge oak trees at peaceful Woodlawn Cemetery, where some of my people are buried, with my laptop open and only the birds for company. I'm hoping to become a typical Knoxville bohemian, I suppose, compelled to create art in the way that speaks to me.

I have been drawn to writing since childhood and been encouraged by others to produce it for just as long. For reasons that are His own, this is the season - the exhausting, terrifying, mournful, unpredictable season - that God has chosen for me to start writing in earnest.

A lot of Christians say that God does not put a talent or dream in your heart without giving you the opportunity to use it. While I think some well-meaning Christians stray too far off the Biblical path with this concept, I mostly accept it. The challenge is, how do you use your God-given talents, whatever they are, to glorify Him and not yourself? Especially when you write about yourself?

I know I don't do that perfectly, but hopefully, you know I try my best. I don't have any expectations about the future success of my writing, but I do know that I will not be successful in any way if I forget Who deserves the credit. I was encouraged that I actually got paid a little bit for an article that will be published next week, so we'll see. Fortunately, I live a modest lifestyle, so maybe what I might consider being a "financially successful writer" is within my reach.

Maybe.

I'll end this post with an update on Mom, because she was the impetus to begin this blog in the first place. We celebrated her 71st birthday this past weekend. My sister drove a total of 14 hours just to spend a few hours with all of us. We piled in the car and went up to the Apple Valley Cafe in Townsend for lunch. Then, we sang Happy Birthday and toasted with a gigantic purple cupcake that turned everyone's lips blue.

Much like Ben and I, Mom is treading water. She's stable, but not strong and not happy. Ben and I continue to advocate for her, which is necessary even though she is in a good facility. It's always necessary, no matter where she is. That is part of our loving duty. We continue to visit twice a week and talk every day, but we can't supply all of her social needs. She really enjoys when people reach out to her on Facebook or send her cards. Like all of us, she just doesn't want to feel forgotten.

I'll keep you posted, friends. Ben and I both think the Lord is close to moving us into that next season. Prayerfully, we will have the opportunity to be grateful and gracious, humble and helpful, patient and passionate.

I can only guess as to the reason God has for this season, but the important thing to remember about treading water is that your legs become so much stronger for it. Then, you're ready for the next event, to run the next race. If you need me or Ben right now, we'll be over on the side of the track, warming up.

On His mark, get set, go.

February 18, 2019