Get Knocked Down Nine Times, Get Up Ten

You must be exhausted by the sheer number of times I ask for prayer.

Ben picked me up from work this past Friday evening. He said, "So...was your day pretty good?" in that way you know you're about to hear something you don't want to.

"Yes," I replied cautiously.

"Everything's ok, but 2 things happened today. I got turned down for life insurance."

I was already drawing a breath in panicked protest when he finished, "but I'm not worried about that."

"(The company Ben worked for) folded. We all lost our jobs."

"Like, it's gone?" I asked.

"Completely," said Ben.

Which brings me to my prayer request. Just, generally - please continue to keep us in your prayers.

First and foremost, we're going to be ok. The Lord has been so good and faithful to us over the last year in this way, this way, and this way, to name a few. I don't believe He's gonna stop now. But ooh-wee, am I battle-weary.

Ben failing his life insurance physical isn't that surprising, but it is terrifying. I literally don't know what I would do financially if he died. I could only pay half our bills, if that. I'm far from the only spouse in that situation. Let me tell you, there's not a lot of fat to trim from our budget should I ever find myself there. Our (adorable) house is less than 1000 square feet, so our mortgage is the same amount as a 1 bedroom apartment in Knoxville. It wouldn't save me any money to unload my one asset to rent instead. The cost of our mortgage of course doesn't include utilities, phone, car payment (or repair), or insurance.

I've worked mostly in chiropractic administrative healthcare since 2006. My wages, like many others, are stagnant due in part to insurance companies slashing their reimbursements to providers.

So, I've been online reading up on how to survive the Worst Case Scenario. (Pro tip: only like, 3 out of every 10 comments are productive. The rest will make you fear for humanity.)

Get another job, some might say, that pays better. Get another degree if you have to!

That's easy to say if you can point me in the direction of a boss like the one I have now, who doesn't have a meltdown if I need to miss work, say, to meet my ailing mother at the hospital or stay home when I'm ill. In between all that, I could get that extra degree with Monopoly money when I'm not working a 2nd job that minimizes exposure to my deadly allergen, tree nuts (which pretty much excludes restaurant work and most retail). Then, even if none of that worked out, I would at least have any modest wealth I inherited from my parents to cushion me a little, right?

Y'all.

Mean face

I'm amazed at how often people who didn't grow up in poverty or who have never struggled financially are the fastest to offer definitive and often heartless solutions to complicated issues. It's no fair bragging about hitting a home run when you start out on 3rd base.

We're all in this together, friends.

Sorry to be so defensive. I'm just so tired of the lack of compassion and sheer ugliness I witness daily. Aren't you?

Anyway, I know I can trust the Lord, but I also know He wants me to be wise and prepared to the best of my ability. Ben and I are also looking forward to seeing how the Lord will provide another tailor-made job for Ben. He had worked from home for his former company for 8 years, and they were so wonderfully supportive and flexible. I don't know of many jobs where you could be hooked up to TPN while working. Please keep the rest of his former coworkers in your prayers, as well. The bleeding's not so bad for us, because Ben can only work part-time. Lots of other people there lost full-time work. He considers them all good friends, including his former boss.

So that's life this week. I'm looking forward to sharing more positive news with you soon.

I firmly believe the heat I'm feeling is the flame that transforms the phoenix and not, gulp, the fire that cooks the proverbial goose.

January 14, 2019